The MAGIC in giving and receiving appreciation for something or from someone is making sure it is said in a way that the listener can receive it. Begin with middle of the road words that describe the appreciation, the number, the normal. If you start out by saying, “It’s magnificent to hear from you,” that could sound phony to some. The word “magnificent” is a powerful word that the listener may not be able to relate to, therefore questioning the sincerity of the message. Generally, we can relate to middle of the road words, like: “It’s good to hear from you”. Then we can raise the bar with stronger words that fully express appreciation for a good, great, magnificent job well done. When supporting others to be their best while developing their full potential, we can validate others when they’ve exceeded their best baseline of good. Showing appreciation validates the actions, motives, and behaviors through a verbal, material, or emotional reward. And if we begin with over-appreciating, then gratitude can lose its value and potency, thus diminishing its effect of reinforcing desired behaviors.

At the top of the list, is YOU! The most important person to give appreciation to is one’s self.  We give ourselves appreciation through self-love, self-respect, and teaching others how to treat us. When we take care of our self, we take time to notice what’s right about ourselves. An example: “I look good today, I stood up for myself in a good way, I accomplished this or that and did a good job, I am on track for my objectives, etc.” Self-respect won’t give permission to outside negative judgements and will not affect our self-image or self-worth. Each of our lives are different from one another, not because we want to be different, but rather because we are unique in our opinions, design and creation. Appreciation of self can be a learned behavior that begins with valued self-worth.

I recall a motto that touched my heart. “Criticizing children does not stop them from loving us, it teaches them to not love themselves.” We can unlearn negative messages by simply beginning each day with gratitude and appreciation of self and the world around us.

There is a triangle in psychology that describes an unhealthy way of being in life. Victim, Persecutor, Rescuer. Victims are those people who have a lower self-esteem and attract people that would keep them down and keep them broken (Persecutors.) Victims sabotage their own success and or complain that someone else is causing their failures. (Looking for a Rescuer) They might accelerate to a certain level, but if they lack a developed sense of self-appreciation, and instead have strong self-loathing, no matter how much they accelerate in their career or their life, they will sabotage it unknowingly. We must lift ourselves up and transcend out of this way of thinking through self-appreciation not self-deprecation. Learning about oneself is key to self-appreciation.

Showing appreciation comes in three parts. For appreciation to have a true and long-lasting impact it must be spoken to face to face, in public setting and in written form. There is tremendous power in using those three approaches of appreciation together. Using only one by itself has minimal power; it is effective, but not as long lasting. However, when all three are used together the power is immense, long-lasting and hugely impactful.

You may remember the story I shared on Day 6 inside my Knowledge of U: 30-Day U Plan about the time I observed the newspaper boy opening the Christmas card we had left for him. My husband and I watched him from our window as he walked away from our house, down the sidewalk towards the street. Inside the envelope was a card with a note of appreciation on it. Inside the card, was another smaller envelope with a check inside. As he tore the card open, he stood still to read the note of appreciation, then as he walked away, he opened the check. Just as the proverb goes, "It's the thought that counts." The message of WHY he was appreciated meant something on a much deeper level than the actual gift. 

When your child does a good job on something, the first thing to do is look him in the eyes and say, “Mark, I see you did a good job.” Second, at the family dinner table you say, “Mark did a good job on ABC. Third, put a note in his lunchbox saying, “Mark, I am proud of you for doing a good job!” 

One of my pet peeves are when I am greeted by someone when I walk into a store, restaurant, pick up a phone call or anytime and the person says: HI, HOW ARE YOU? Drives me nuts. Couldn’t they simply say, “HI, thanks for coming to our store today” OR “Hi, good to see you! OR Hi, can you talk?” It is something EVERYONE is saying today and carries no meaning whatsoever. It dilutes caring because no one really gives a damn. Notice how many times you hear “HI, HOW ARE YOU?” in one day.

Visualize, recognize and enjoy the good qualities of yourself and others. Notice the good qualities you have through self-love and self-respect. Remember that truly impactful appreciation for others can be done face to face, in public, and in writing. A MAGICAL approach to appreciation opens us up to happiness, balance, and success. Be the MAGIC in your life and you will automatically pass it onto others.