For those who are familiar with the teachings and precepts of 12 Step Programs, you may have heard the term "Live and Let Live." When I first heard these words, I didn't totally understand what it meant or how these words could make such an impact on so many people. After about a year of practiced awareness, I came to understand that “Live and Let Live” was separating my stuff from everybody else's stuff. Simply put, staying out of their business, because it's not my business, unless they want to share it with me. But most importantly, that I am not accountable or responsible for what someone else was doing in their life.
“Live and Let Live” means live our lives and as the world is living their lives. Their life is not ours nor are we responsible for it. Let it go. Know who you are and separate out what you have the power to make choices on. I've learned that setting a goal is something only I can do. If you set a goal for me, it doesn't work. If I set a goal for you, I know it won't work. So research what can be accomplished or done by you only.
If someone wants to share their “junk” with me, I can just listen or suggest options to that person, but it remains their choice to decide what to do with that information. They can take on any anything that I share with them, and they can also ignore it. In my coaching practice, the same rules apply. I am not asking anyone to do anything, I merely make suggestions, you have the power to decide for yourself what to do with that information.
It was a relief to learn in 12 step programs, that I am not responsible for the entire world. I overcame the constant thoughts that everything was my fault, no matter what it was. I always would take it on and say, “What could I have done?” I failed to realize that I did not have that power over the entire world. Now I know that I have the power within myself to make choices for myself. It is my intention that those choices will positively affect myself and the people around me like my family, my community, my business, and my clients. Win-Win-Win
A drummer friend of mine, Tom, and his girlfriend who was the pride of his life, and quite beautiful herself, had broken up several times. Each time they broke up, he had gone back to her. After the third time, I noticed his mannerisms changed: His shoulders were bent down, he was visibly sad, his face was drawn and grey. I asked him what was going on, and he would hardly talk. Over time, I discovered that his girlfriend was slowly chipping away at his inner being by constantly saying he's not enough. She would say things like, “You don't, you're not, you haven't and so on. She was projecting her lack of self onto him and he was absorbing it to the point where it was destroying him. Lucky for him, he was able to come to terms with this and eventually allowed himself to walk away from the detrimental relationship.
When we live within the context of live and let live, we're not blaming others, point fingers, and judge. Many people were raised by a victim. We were taught to believe we have no power. Since we were never able to ask directly for what we needed or wanted, we NOW have had to manipulate. Most people have no idea this was happening, it was just a way of being. “Live and let live” means speaking up for ourselves.
Live and let live is learning to know your own voice and listen to it. Where does your power end and the power of others begin?
